Ick. Phew. Ick. Day 16

We got back to Pennypacker after the evening rush. No gawking on the way up, thankfully. I opened my dorm door to find Wesley, Iris, and Deacon in a circle watching the Talk of Boston interview from a few hours before. They leaned in so close that they looked like slices of a pizza – so perfectly linked to one another that I felt a flash of jealousy.

“Hi,” I said as they stared at me and my sisters. “This is Eleanor and Rosa, my sisters in from Yale.”

All three waved but didn’t speak. I turned to the twins. “My rooms right there. Whatever you need.”

They went into my room and closed the door behind them. “Working on something?” I asked leaving out that they’d been working on something without me, the leader of this thing.

“We never decided how to market our leadership,” said Deacon. “This interview puts you in charge publicly and…”

“Infighting broke up Nirvana,” Iris interrupted. “This is how great things fall apart.”

I smiled at her, thankful, but wondering who the hell Nirvana was. “Someone has to lead, Deacon,” I told him realizing our personalities were oil and water. “I’m the natural choice here.”

“What about me,” Wes said the whites of his eyes again showing. I wanted to roll mine in response.

I took a seat in the chair across from their circle, channeling my mother’s living room debates. “Look.” I started. “Zoom out with me for a moment. Every successful tech company is led by who?”

I waited. And waited. And waited.

“You silence confirms that you understand where I’m going with this,” I said pointing at Wesley. “They’d led by you, Wes. A skinny white boy with a wedgy.”

Iris laughed out loud, and they shot her a disapproving look. “What?” she asked them. “She’s not wrong.”

“If we want to create something different,” I raised from the armchair and stood over them. “We need to embrace what sets up apart from the top down. So, we built a dating App, so what? It’s got momentum and nostalgia, sure. But these things fade with time. I’ll tell you what does not fade with this – the first Black woman developed Application does not fade. That is solidified within the national consciousness forever. No one can take that title or dethrone that level of exceptionalism. Harvard with chomp at the bit to own us. Boston will stamp us as legit. Silicon Valley will relocate its headquarters to be in our midst.” I sat back down. “Yes, I made an on-the-spot decision on live television today without consulting with you all. I apologize for that, but I will never be sorry for my reasoning.”

“And what was that, exactly?” asked Deacon.

“No one sees what I see when I look into the mirror,” I told them.

“What’s that?” asked Wesley looking dejected, and a bit pissed off.

“I see a woman who can and will eclipse Steve Jobs, rest his soul. I see a woman with the self-control, confidence, and wherewithal to shift the attitude of young Black girls all over this country toward aspiring to lead and never follow again. I see a team here stuck in the past. No offense. Underestimating the power of me on the cover of Forbes. I see you, Deacon. A genius from privilege, also underestimated due to your legacy status. I know because I underestimated you just like everyone else. I see you, Iris. Underestimated for the same reasons I am. Learning German for no particular reason and the world shocked by that fact. I also see you, Wesley. Angry that you aren’t the star you dreamed you’d be.” When he opened his mouth to protest, I cut him off with my hand in the air. “I see this group about to implode because you want to lead it. When you should surrender leadership and enjoy that you’re about to found a company that will not only change the world, but also, the perceptions of what it means to be a powerful woman of color. Let power go, all of you, stop this and focus on what’s important.”

I opened my laptop, pulled up stats on the leading man position, and turned it around. “I think we have our leading man,” I said pointing to the Cowboy. “I think we call it, prepare an announcement tonight for tomorrow morning launch. And unlock the second level of our App—finding contestants.”

Iris smiled. “One thing you left out on that list, Soph, that you may not see but I see. I see you being a natural, obvious leader here. And that we’re lost without you at the helm. Show of hands, who believes Sophia should do this?”

Iris raised her own hand and arm first, followed reluctantly by Deacon, and then, everyone gawked at Wes. He glared at me through his eyelashes. I thought of us sharing bodies and bed a few nights before and the thought made me cringe. How could I not see this in him? Had he hidden it so well? Finally, he raised his hand like it was covered in cement.

“Good then!” Iris said. “It’s settled. Now, I’ll put together an announcement that Cowboy is the winner. What time should we announce that nominations are closed, and contestant stage is open?”

“7AM, sharp,” I said standing and heading toward my room. “I need to check in on my sisters.”

“Get some sleep, Boss,” said Iris. “We got this until morning.”

“See you at 6:30?” asked Deacon.

I nodded and Wesley crossed his arms like a protesting child.

Ick. Phew. Ick.